I’m a Narrative Neuro Linguistic Therapist (I know, like, what?) let me explain and see if we might be a match.
Neurolinguistics is the “art & science of communication”
Our perspective is how WE see the world, but it’s also how we communicate and influence the world around us. It looks for what “patterns” are coming up, over and over-and looks for a story that we’ve attached to it. Every moment from birth on, we are bombarded with experiences-things that challenge us physically, intellectually and emotionally. Our Conscious/Unconscious mind is like a vast computer base with unlimited storage capabilities whose ONE purpose is to protect us. In a millisecond of something happening, it is searching through it’s “stored files” (stories) that will identify what is happening (good/bad…right/wrong….safe/unsafe) and it will pull a “story” of how to react to it. But what if the story’s wrong? or what if it’s not complete?
When we are having difficulties, often it is essential to understand perceptions are based on a thing called “Human Domestication.”
What exactly is that?
We are the sum and total of everything we’ve learned, seen, experienced from Birth-the Society we are raised in, families, friends, religion…basically, everything we know or believe is always colored by outside influences and inner interpretation. So essentially, our work will help you examine the quality and usefulness of your perceptions
(in Neurolinguistics, we call these “scripts that run in our head” or “The story I tell myself…” )
Shadow Work Therapy involves going back into”the stories you tell yourself” and if necessary re-write the way we LOOK at what emotions might be tied to what triggers-the integration of your unconscious psyche into your conscious experience.
Our Conscious and Unconscious mind is designed first and foremost to PROTECT us. And from the moment of our birth, it begins to record impressions, responses and patterns. If “trauma” occurred, an emotion was tied to it. It could be anger, it could be fear, it could be abandonment. But whatever story we wrote for ourselves to survive the experience is what will be used to protect yourself once again
Your Unconscious (Shadow) works on NARRATIVE stories. It looks for a “script” that tells us “GOOD/BAD; SAFE/UNSAFE; RIGHT/WRONG” and immediately pulls the “script” from our memory banks (the same way a computer pulls something from a “folder.”) When something feels like it’s not working? It IS possible to go back in and re-write the stories and learn how best to utilize our strengths (and surprisingly enough, even our weaknesses) to communicate in the most effective way to affect happiness, success, and influence in our World. This speaking is the internal, as well as the external dialogs that are constantly running, verbally & non-verbally; so much so that, normally, we don’t even hear what we are saying to others or within our minds.
Narrative Therapy is a therapeutic approach the seeks to adjust the stories one tells about one’s life in order to bring about positive change and better mental health. It considers people the experts on their own lives and views them as separate from their problems. The goal of Narrative Therapy is to help people adjust and tell alternative stories about their lives so they better match who and what they want to be leading to positive change.
It is non-pathologizing, non-blaming and sees clients as experts on their own lives and that people are separate from their problems and strive to help people view their problems that way too. That way a client no longer sees a problem as an unchangeable part of them but an external issue that can be changed. It encourages people to rely on their own skills to minimize problems that exist in their lives. It recognizes that people have skills and expertise that can help guide them-but sometimes the “stories we tell ourselves…” gets in the way. Narrative therapy is about unraveling the stories, and sometimes re-writing them to move forward in their lives.
Throughout Life, personal experiences become personal stories. People give these stories meaning and the stories help shape a person’s identity. Narrative therapy uses the power of these stories to help people discover their life purpose-this is often done by assigning that person the role of being the “Narrator” of their own story.
I specialize in Relationships, Communication, Family of Origin Issues (Sometimes this is known as “Shadow Work”) and relates primarily to the scripts that are running in the background of our lives, our relationships and our ability to perceive our world but also to project ourselves to others. Perception is how “you” see the world, but communication (hence, influence) is how the “world” sees you.
My Masters is in Counseling Psychology (LPC-S), Neurolinguistics (M.NLP) and Transitional Coaching with an emphasis on Relationships/Family and effective, purposeful communication.
Communication and Relationships. It’s about learning to listen, not “just to respond” but to understand. In every situation, regardless of what it entails, there are two choices…to “adapt” or to walk away. Only the “degree” of adaptation is a variable. But first it’s important to understand why we feel (and subsequently act) in certain ways, and what can we do about it if those ways are not giving us the results we are looking for.
Narrative therapy is a lot like storytelling. You use analogies to compare “like” things to enhance greater understanding. Understanding enables greater choices. Imagine this for a second. Something comes up that requires you to write an “email” (story) to handle or address it. You know what you’re thinking, what you want to convey and you start the email. Suddenly, something else comes up and you aren’t able to finish the email at that time. Your “draft” folder(unconscious mind) will store it, until you get back to it to finish. But that thinking/feeling is “frozen” in time. It hasn’t been updated, modified or tested.
Your unconscious mind is a lot like that “draft” folder. The story is tied to a “trigger” something that will remind you of what you were thinking/feeling and if something comes up that touches that trigger, but what if things are different now? What if you have more (or less) information than you did at the time. But unless you bring the story up to date, or at least finish it, how you deal with it or even “perceive” it may not be effective anymore. In fact? it might even be hurting you.
This type of work is holistic, interactive and unstructured. It is very effective for the following reasons
– it helps people objectify their problems, Perspective is how “you” see the world, influence, the ability to affect change in themselves or others
is how the world see you. It identifies what triggers us, and the emotions that are tied to the story we tell ourselves.
-it frames all problems in within a larger social and cultural context. Our Family of Origin, experiences, traumas and most importantly, our “triggers.”
-it helps the person make room for “other” stories, allows for the “rewrite” of existing chapters. It focus on identifying and building on alternative or preferred storylines. These storylines exist beyond the problem story. They provide contrast to the problem, and reflect a person’s true nature and perceptions.
-My role as the therapist is to help you to see what is “absent but implied” what is the problems’ impact, What is the connection between their actions and choices.
NARRATIVE THERAPY TECHNIQUES
Practitioners of narrative therapy believe telling one’s story is a form of action toward change. The process of a narrative therapist might include:
Helping people objectify their problems
Framing the problems within a larger sociocultural context
Teaching the person how to make room for other stories
The therapist and person in therapy identify and build upon “alternative” or “preferred” storylines. These storylines exist beyond the problem story. They provide contrast to the problem, reflect a person’s true nature, and allow someone to rewrite their story. People can then move from what is known (the problem story) to what is unknown.
The therapist also helps people see what is “absent but implicit” in the presentation of a problem. They help people explore a problem’s impact. This allows them to identify what is valuable to someone in a broader context, beyond the problem. People may then find a connection between their actions and choices. All “other” life experiences and values are “absent but implicit” as people navigate new terrain. This process can help people better understand how they experience life. It may allow them to gain agency for addressing problem scenarios in the future.
GOALS AND BENEFITS
Narrative therapy does not seek to transform the person in therapy. Instead, it aims to transform the effects of a problem. Its goal is to make space between a person and their issue. This makes it possible to see how a certain concern is serving a person, rather than harming them.
For example, posttraumatic stress can be a defense mechanism. It might help protect someone from the difficult emotions associated with an event. But it also brings new symptoms, such as anxiety. Narrative therapy helps people externalize an issue. This process can help people develop greater self-compassion. Self-compassion may help people feel more capable of change. Some psychologists have identified a process termed posttraumatic growth. This term accounts for the positive change that can occur after going through a traumatic event.
Again, my role as a Narrative Therapist is to also help people view their problems in different contexts. These contexts may be social, political, and cultural. This can influence how we view ourselves and our personal stories.
HOW IS NARRATIVE THERAPY USED?
Individuals, couples, or families may use narrative therapy.
In a couple or family setting, the technique of externalizing problems facilitates positive interaction. It can also make negative communication more accepting and meaningful. Seeing a problem objectively helps couples and families reconnect with the heart of their relationship. They may be able to address how the problem has challenged the core strength of their bond. So, working with combining how two “stories” are integrating can help couples issues and parenting. As a Nationally Certified Mediator, Interactive Transitional Coach, Child Custody Evaluator and Parenting Coordinator, “Relationship Mediation;” “Conscious Uncoupling” and Collaborative Divorce are just a few of my areas of specialty.
I am a Certified Mediator, Child Custody Evaluator and Parenting Coordinator. I teach Parenting and Co-parenting and do “conscious uncoupling” work with families in transition through divorce, or separation. I work with Couples in Relationship Mediation-finding common ground, effective communication methods and deeper understanding of each other’s “stories” and how to blend them together into one “narrative” that works seamlessly and in conjunction with one’s family, friends and work environment. As a Certified Mediator, I work with Couples on their Collaborative Divorce structure.
I offer Telehealth: for Individual and Couples-
While we are under the COVID19 crisis only telehealth is available at this time.
In-office/In-home sessions available on a case-to-case basis (In-Office hours are 8:30 -4:30 Monday through Friday)