Psychotherapist Esther Perel is everywhere. Two best-selling books on infidelity, TED talks, and now a second season of her podcast, Where Should We Begin? has been released to wide and warm reception. The podcast features Perel navigating a first session with a couple in dire straits: marriage is on the line, and we listen in as Perel works through the painful situation that had led them to seek Perel in the storm.
The podcast is a fascinating hybrid: Perel’s skills as a psychotherapist and as a narrator of a marital drama draw one immediately in. If you haven’t tuned in, start with Season 1, Episode 1: a couple from very different backgrounds are reeling from a disclosure of infidelity. Perel meets them where they are stuck, developing a little trust that somehow makes the situation feel (possibly, maybe) surmountable — she has a way of tapping into hope, even in seemingly hopeless situations.
Among psychotherapy podcasts, Where Should We Begin? is queen (the Atlantic dubbed it “the Rosetta Stone of feelings” and last week, actress-turned-wellness-entrepreneur Gwyneth Paltrow counted herself an avid listener). All this comes with great responsibility to the field at large: if Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? is representing psychotherapy to the culture, how is the story of psychotherapy being told?
The answer may rest behind-the-scenes. Each episode of Where Should We Begin? is pared down, expertly, from a three-hour session Perel has with the couple to be featured in the episode. The drifts and lingering silences of conversation are inferred, condensed. The entire map of the conversation — all this is edited, packaged for the podcast listener, of whom the couple and Perel must be acutely aware. Perel’s skills, likability, and expertise are why we listen: she is not just a therapist, she is also a star. And the players — the couple — are always high-functioning and game for the performance, even in their resistances.
One gets the feeling that Perel takes the responsibility of how she represents psychotherapy at large very seriously and with openness. She advocates for inclusivity on all levels, welcoming couples from all races, gender identities, backgrounds. And Perel by no means hides the fact that Where Should We Begin? is open to criticism; on her social media accounts, she shares articles that offer critical perspectives. Perel has also recognized that her take on infidelity is a male-friendly one, a fact that deserves deep consideration and thought in the context of a patriarchal culture where rape and systemic sexual harassment has been a given.
However, even if one approaches it purely as entertainment, Where Should We Begin? opens challenging spaces that only a psychotherapist at the height of her powers could contain so ably: the couples on the show are suffering deeply. Listening in, one connects with the work of psychotherapy beyond stereotypes. Perel and the podcast’s producers have done an impressive job of destigmatizing therapy — focusing on a first session, which is decent of them: anything more would intrude too much (and complicate the storytelling). The first session is the place where we begin. It’s by no means indicative of where, over time, therapist and client will go.
—
Listen to Where Should We Begin?
Image of Esther Perel via Twitter
